Understanding Codependency
When your identity and self-worth become wrapped up in taking care of others at the expense of yourself.
What Is Codependency?
Codependency is a pattern of behaviour where your sense of identity and self-worth is excessively tied to another person.
You may prioritise others' needs above your own to the point of neglecting yourself.
Codependency often develops in families with addiction, mental illness, or emotional dysfunction.
It is not a formal diagnosis but a widely recognised pattern that causes significant distress.
Signs of Codependency
Difficulty saying no, even when you want to.
Feeling responsible for other people's feelings and problems.
Neglecting your own needs, desires, and boundaries.
Low self-esteem that depends on others' approval.
Staying in unhealthy relationships out of fear of being alone.
Difficulty identifying your own feelings or wants.
Excessive caretaking that goes beyond normal helpfulness.
Where It Comes From
Growing up in a home where emotional needs weren't met.
Having a parent with addiction, mental illness, or narcissistic traits.
Being parentified — taking on adult responsibilities as a child.
Cultural or religious messages about self-sacrifice being virtuous.
Trauma that taught you love must be earned through service.
Recovery Steps
Recognise codependent patterns in your relationships.
Start identifying and expressing your own needs and feelings.
Practice setting boundaries, starting with small ones.
Develop activities and interests that are just for you.
Therapy, particularly codependency-focused or schema therapy.
Support groups like CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous) can be helpful.
Learn that healthy love doesn't require losing yourself.