Breaking Free from Codependency
When your sense of self depends on someone else's approval, needs, or mood — that's codependency.
What Codependency Looks Like
Codependency is an excessive reliance on another person for your identity, self-worth, and emotional wellbeing.
It often develops in families where emotions were suppressed, addiction was present, or children had to take on adult roles.
Codependency isn't love — it's a survival pattern where you lose yourself in someone else's needs to feel valued and safe.
Signs of Codependency
Your mood depends on how the other person feels.
You sacrifice your own needs to keep them happy.
You feel responsible for fixing their problems.
You stay in harmful relationships because you fear being alone.
You can't identify what YOU want, need, or feel.
You confuse being needed with being loved.
Setting boundaries feels impossible because you fear rejection.
Try This Now
Identity check: Without referencing another person, write down 5 things that are true about you. Not 'I'm John's partner' but 'I'm someone who values honesty.' This is harder than it sounds for codependent people.
Need identification: Ask yourself right now: 'What do I need?' Not what does the other person need. What do YOU need? Start practising this question daily.
One thing for you: Do one activity today that is purely for your own enjoyment, not to make someone else happy or to earn their approval.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you can't leave a harmful relationship despite wanting to.
If your entire sense of self is wrapped up in another person.
If you repeatedly enter relationships where you lose yourself.
CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) offers peer support. Individual therapy can help you build an independent sense of self.